My Solemn Promise: This Site’s Contents Are Forever

promise

I am making a promise to you, dear reader. And it’s a most serious promise.

The penalty for failing it will be nothing less than shame. Dreadful, eternal public shame. Basically, I promise, on my honor, that whatever I ever publish on this site, from the date of this post onwards, I will never, ever take down. Never delete, never unpublish. I’m promising this to the whole internet, and particularly to all my friends who already know me, care about me, and about me letting my voice be heard.

But why did I feel the need to make this public promise?

I don’t know exactly how this drama started for me–when did I take something down the first time. It might not even have been on this exact website. But one thing is for sure. For years I have been wanting this site to be the place where I share my thoughts and feelings. Many, many years. This .com domain has been registered since 2001. And I have produced some content and posted it up in the past. But I always ended up, year after year, boycotting myself and taking down whatever I had created before. From time to time, I would become irrationally embarrassed about this or that post. And I would take one down. Or two. Or all of them.

But did nobody ever actually notice–or question me about–my self-censorship?

Indeed, no. Not that I remember. It’s important to realize that I also never started to seriously share any posts on social media and to my email list. So my website never really had a chance. I always had the “unpublish” button one click away, and whenever I took something down, nobody even noticed, or at least mention it. Or now that I think of it, I remember someone, who I didn’t actually know, making a comment somewhere online. But it was the exceptional case. Anyway, I’ve been suffering this frustration, this embarrassment before my own self, in a dark lonely silence, for way too long.

One day this cowardice had to end.

So, while out dancing on the 3rd of April, quite spontaneously, I decided to get serious once and for all. I was with a loved one, and she was the first to hear about it. Actually, the promise started by being pretty exclusive to two souls who are particularly special for me. But thinking it through, I soon concluded that this promise concerns everyone. This promise is made to you, whoever you are.

So is this promise what’s going to make the difference?

Well, until now, I have been avoiding seriously exposing myself, by fear of shame.

But once I post this, and share it widely, there will be a bigger shame to be had, if I ever break this promise. The shame of, after posting all this publicly, still not being brave enough to keep my voice online for eternity.

That’s what they call raising the bar, I suppose.

And now I will raise the bar even further.

I also promise that I will always share to my mailing list and/or facebook (at least) whatever I ever post here.

As you can imagine, the shame of breaking promises of such significance is something I simply don’t want to feel, ever. No matter how hard I would hypothetically regret a post–which I doubt will happen, but if it does–I know I’ll handle it all well.

I am confident that these are, indeed, a critical couple of promises I will never ever break.

And that whatever happens, I can handle it. It’s a conclusion I have been getting to. And an empowering one at that. I can handle it.

In the meantime, most, if not all, of these posts that I took down in the past, I still keep as drafts somehow. Maybe–just maybe–I’ll bring them back sometime.

And I know, from talking to many friends, and reading so much about the creative’s experience, how much of a hard struggle it is to put yourself out there. Still, as you see, I’m absolutely determined to overcome it.

Of course, now I might take longer–or not–between drafting a post and publishing it, than I would otherwise.

But now, once I post something, there is one thing you and I will know–it will be here forever.